Return to resonance

Big Island sunset, Hawaii

I recently took a two week vacation to the Big Island of Hawaii. Early in the year I felt guided that I would need a period of time this summer for a solo adventure. I’m a single mama of a sweet man-cub who, to this point, has shared in most all my travels, so leaving him for two weeks with no purpose other than to relax felt HUGE. We’d traveled to the Big Island eighteen months earlier and I felt Mama Pele calling once again. I’m blessed with a friend who graciously opens her home to family and friends while she travels and it came together to stay in her beautiful space during my visit. As the trip approached, I began to feel a deep apprehension about leaving for such a long trip on my own. Traveling on my own is not a new experience, I’ve traveled alone all over the world since college, but something about this trip felt different. I felt a similar feeling when I was called to Peru, a pilgrimage of the heart to connect more deeply with the shamanic lineage I’m a part of. This trip was going to be a rite of passage and an initiation, and that does tend to stir stuff up. 

It took me five full days to unwind from the 24/7 mental vigilance that full-time parenting requires. During those five days I was guided to walk nine miles over the lava field, under the Full Moon, to where the active lava flow meets the sea. I became very aware of just how much focus doing life effectively requires and how foreign it felt to release that level of attention so I could be fully present for deep relaxation. It was a full-time gig for almost a whole week! Most of that time I felt deeply anxious for no clear reason. Emotions of all kinds surfaced with no apparently connection to anything going on in the moment. I was angry, depressed, sad, and you name it, all while enjoying a gorgeous space with an ocean view. Seriously?! A wise friend reminded me that sometimes when we finally give ourselves space to truly relax, all the things we’ve suppressed so we can navigate our life on a daily basis finally have space to come up for release. YES!! This process requires a willingness to surrender to whatever needs to flow through, trusting that we are fully equip to surf the waves and that this too shall pass.Vacations of this sort are not for the faint of heart!

A few days later I spent the day at Hawaii Volcano National Park. I was able to take some longer hikes that my man-cub was too small to attempt during our last visit. Part of the Kiluea Iki trail involves traversing a volcanic crater, it was in this landscape I was shown a beautiful vision to help me understand a large part of why I needed this time to myself. I’d been thinking to myself “Wow! Every parent, partner and caregiver should really consider taking time for a solo trip, even for a few days, this is SO important.” Immediately after I was shown how each of us and everything we are in relationship with (children, partners, family, home, car, technology, geography, and the beloved tools of our respective trades) carries a resonance. The best definition to match what I was shown is resonance as “the quality in a sound of being deep, full, and reverberating,” hold this in your mind. I saw how our personal resonance is like a particular instrument that plays in symphony with the resonance of everything we interact with in our day-to-day life. When we are in the thick of things, the symphony is playing together 24/7 and the collective resonance obscures our own. 

Crater walk, Volcano National Park

I came to understand why it’s not only powerful, but essential, to spend time alone. We each require time and space to return our awareness to our unique and specific resonance. What I realized is that I’d lost touch with mine AND it’s also transformed tremendously, over the past five years specifically. As I hiked across the crater, I began to identify all the curious ways I was experiencing life differently being on my own and I was able to tune into my individual needs and preferences. For example, turns out when I get a full night of sleep, without a wee man-cub snuggled up with me, I’m an early riser and a morning person! I discovered that doing a yoga sequence and breathwork practice in the morning doesn’t feel energizing to me anymore. What does feel nurturing is lingering in bed and reading a chapter or two of a great book while sipping a latte; doing so gives me ample space to align with the energies of the day and the tasks that are ready to be accomplished. Turns out I like to eat at odd times of the day when my body is most ready to welcome nourishment, not an appointed time when my offspring is ready to eat. I also realized that things I used to enjoy eating and previous modes of travel no longer feel supportive and relaxing. I learned SO much about myself over the course of my four mile sojourn.

The invitation is this my friends—take time out for yourself, as much time as you can spare, an uncomfortable makes you feel greedy and a bit guilty amount of time to yourself. And when I say “yourself” I mean ALONE. I will warn you right now it may feel deeply awkward and uncomfortable…at first. It’s OK, keep going. Let all the stuff you don’t have time for in the day-to-day come up so you can see it, acknowledge it, and let it flow on through to release. This is when the good stuff starts happening so don’t hide yourself away. Turn off the TV, the phone, the internet, the music, and tune in, listen. It’s essential to eliminated the background noise, to be in the stillness so you can begin to hear your own resonance. Maybe you’ve never heard it, all the more reason to do this. You might find you don’t recognize or like the sound of it at first. Be with it. What happens is that, as you tune in to your resonance, you begin to fine-tune the instrument that is you. You discover what roles, relationships, situations, stories, beliefs, and preferences no longer feel nourishing and nurturing to your heart and soul. As you discover what no longer works well for you, you then discover what does work well. Let me assure you it’s pure magic each time you have an “ah ha!” moment, because each time you dial in a new aspect, your resonance increases and it’s literally music to your ears and your heart will sing out in affirmation. Be prepared that this may not happen quickly, just like it takes practice and a cultivation of skill to play an instrument, tuning into and refining your resonance requires similar patience.