Grief is your gateway

There's a lot of talk and focus right now on the return to normal. In times of change we need to remember, there's no going back. We're walking a path forward. Even as we begin to reclaim aspects of what feels normal and familiar, there's much that will be left behind. Over the recent weeks I've shared insights from my own experience of massive, sudden change - the initial shock & awe, moving into a space of deep surrender, and now we find ourselves on the threshold of grief. Today I want to share with you some thoughts about working with grief as a catalyst for change and a gateway to insight, clarity, and new pathways. 

In our human experience, we thrive when we have stability, security, a familiar rhythm. When those elements are disturbed, the initial response is to work to stabilize, normalize, and re-calibrate. As you find yourself feeling more steady, it's often then you become acutely aware of what is no more, what's been shaken loose, what will remain in the past. This is where grief enters in. 

I used to associate grief with physical death, until I learned through experience, that the loss of a loved one also opens the larger gateway to grieve. We grieve plans that didn't work out as we'd hoped, moments we didn't feel able to show up, experiences we longed to have, reactions we regret, missed opportunities, and most often, change. You might feel grief in connection with anything perceived as a loss - jobs, relationships, familiar surroundings, etc. You may have chosen the change, but it’s still change, and it’s normal to grieve the loss of what you’ve know or found comfortable. Even toxic relationships, living or working situations become familiar, and shifting things takes you into the unknown. Any of this can bring up an experience of grief, especially now when we're in a period of significant collective change as a result of a global crisis. 

Not all letting go carries the same intensity or complexity of grief. While there's much written about grief as a linear progression, most often I find it's like surfing a wave. It can arrive when you're paying attention to something else or when you least expect it. Sometimes the wave is gentle and rolling, other times it's like surfing a tsunami. However it arrives, there's nothing to do but surf the wave in the moment through gentleness and impeccable self-care.

In moments of intense or surprising waves of emotion, the tendency can be to talk yourself out of the grief, dismiss it, suppress it, or give it a time limit. To access the transformative and creative power of grief requires surrender and compassion. There is nothing to do but tend to yourself with gentleness, and allow the emotions, whatever they are, however they arrive, to dissolve the ashes of what's been burned to the ground by the fires of change. 

Grief is a resource that clears the way so you can access a new pathway forward. Learning to work with your grief is a practice. Each time you allow the grief to guide you, inform you where the hurt is, where you're gripping the past, you gain insight into the parts of you that need to feel held and supported. As you respond in ways that feel appropriate and nurturing, you connect to a new level of stability and grounding that opens the way to take your next step forward.  

You might be one for whom not much has outwardly changed during this time of pandemic response, but as the unfolding continues, you may find that it brings to the surface other layers of your life experience that are seemingly unrelated. This is the nature of grief. I don't find it coincidental that COVID-19 is a respiratory virus, the lungs are where grief resides in the physical body. Much of what we're seeing come to light is around the unsustainable and unbalanced structures that are the foundation of life as we've known it. We're seeing in real-time the inequality, environmental impacts, and connections/disconnections, that had become our normal. Being called to see in new ways is an opening to grieve the loss of illusion and comforts built upon it. 

I view this pandemic is an opportunity to rewrite our human story. To recalibrate and create in ways that support the whole. In these times of chaos and change, my prayer is that we will remember that everything works together for good.

In the days to come, remember that just because the road is rougher, longer, or more arduous than you imagined and you're more exhausted than you thought possible, and the path seems anything but clear - EVERYTHING works together for good.

Remember your goodness, your gratitude, your gifts, and the grace that surrounds you. Remember that nothing is ever lost, it will always come full circle back, although likely in new form. May it be so.